In the past I had given up on church….thought it didn’t exist. Didn’t want to try from fear of rejection…fear of people ridiculing me over what I believed and practiced. But I cant let fear rule my life. I wanted to isolate myself from everyone…protect myself by keeping myself in my own little world, thinking *I* was the church. But I wasn’t the church…not by myself…..the church is a body. I am part of that body, but so are other people. And people are not perfect no matter where you go. They will let you down, they will ridicule you for what you believe, argue with you, stab you in the back, say hateful things……betray you….but you have to keep trying. Isolation is not the answer. Your no benefit to anyone with isolation. That is what the enemy wants….you to be stuck in your home away from everyone so they will not influence you and you will not influence them.
It’s like starting school all over again….trying out this new church. I really don’t know how its going to work out …..every day it seems people do odd things, but then there is always a new day. I’ll say things one day….that will make people angry (especially the men) but in time they get over it and forgive. But I’m learning that I have to be careful what I say in this church that meets in a coffee shop.
My church (or should I call it my church yet) is full of imperfect people who don’t know everything, but I have to remember that am that way too. It is an interesting church. One that I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to. They have a ministry to men who had spent some time in prison. They have what they call a “freedom house” where the men go through a transition period and are allowed to get jobs and gradually reconnect with the community. I’m not sure if I’ll ever “fit in” like other people do, but someone told me, “Rhonda, your not sapposed to fit in, your sapposed to stand out, your different….your sapposed to shine.” Sometimes I feel like leaving and never coming back, but then something good will happen. So its an up and down type situation. Today is not so good of a day at this coffee shop. But maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
It’s all about facing your fears and fighting for what’s yours….even when everyone seems to dislike you at times. I *do* belong here….and I have to own it and let everyone know.