Searching for Truth….but finding bondage Part B

At home from Hyles-Anderson College I felt a gush of excitement!  I could do what I wanted.  I felt free….but with that freedom came responsibility.

Mamma got me a job working with her at Mitchell’s department store.  It was a quaint little store tucked away in a lonely place of the old mall in Bedford.  Mamma worked in the shoe department.  (This was back when Mom and I were “friends”).  There were two other girls there my age….one of them was H.

H. was a Jewish girl, wild, slightly dark complection, long brown hair.  She was wild.  She did not have a good relationship with her family.  I’m not sure what happened but her Dad did not want her living at home and my guess is she didn’t want to be there either.  She never spoke much about her mother.

She and I became friends after she came to live with us at Mom’s apartment.  We went everywhere together….usually at wild parties with unsaved people.  She’d always ask me “you want to come with”  instead of “Do you want to come with me?”  It was sort-of cute, so I’d always say sure.   It was through Heather’s influence that led to my fall after I got stupidly drunk one night after a wedding….which led to my first pregnancy and eventual adoption of my child.

The fact is one should never get drunk because when you get drunk your not in control….everyone else is and you can’t depend on other people to take care of you when you put yourself in that position.  I could have gotten killed….but I didn’t thank God it was only pregnancy.  Only pregnancy!!!!!????

That night and the following morning were the worst two days of my life!!!!  I was sicker than a dog the next morning and I had to be at work at 7:00 am.  I had a huge hangover too.  I felt like the most abominable creature on the face of the earth!   And I felt like I lost all my friends.  I know I made  the biggest fool out of myself!!!  H. told me I acted like a total B., screaming at this nice guy who took me to the wedding to get me a cigarette.  And I sat there blowing smoke rings and acting like a fool, and going up for drink after drink.

H. and I got in a fight because all she did was lay around and spend all her money on beauty products.  She wouldn’t pay my mother anything to help with rent she wouldn’t help out around the house.  So she called her boyfriend one day and he came and got her.

After that she hated me.  But she wasn’t the only one.

I went back to my cousin, D.’s house, after her begging me to the second time, I think.  But as soon I as got there….the slavery started again.  I was keeping her children again, doing most of the housework….her daughters did the rest and I worked a full time job at Piggly Wiggly as a cashier…..while pregnant.  And do you think that’s nothing?  Try standing in the fast check out lane with the deli right there….I had to stand there and smile, smell that nasty food, and hold back barf at the same time.  How’s that for multi-tasking?  Holding back the barf was the hardest part.  At two months pregnant everything is nauseating….especially food!!!!  And that deli had *the* nastiest smelling barf city yuck your nostrils would ever smell….yea Lousiana barfy stuff.  I’d gag every time someone came by with a box of food.  And at this particular restaurant you had to be extreamly enthusiacticly happy to see people!!!!  So try that when you really feel like throwing up in their face!!!!   So it’s like….I’m going to act like I’m happy to see you when I really want to puke.  Add that to the fact that I was being bombarded at “their home” about me giving my child to either her (my cousin) her her friend.

In the morning one morning I had to hurry and wash and dry my uniforms before I went to work and the dryer sometimes was full of laundry that D. left there.  I had to be at work at about 7:00 , I had to get up and fix one of her girls breakfast usually, and rush off to work, usually a few minutes late.  This morning I took her laundry out of the dryer and put it on top of the dryer and I did not fold it.  D. lay in bed till 10:00-11:00 every morning.  She wanted me to do her laundry while she lay in bed while I was trying to get ready for work.  I told her I didn’t have time.  She said, “Well make time!”  The agreement was I would do my laundry and she would do theirs.  She didn’t want to have to iron anything if it got wrinkled.  I yelled back and said, “Well God forbid if you should have to iron something!”  I think she told the whole thing to her husband when he got home and I got balled out for (not beat because I had graduated into adulthood.)  I should have moved out then!   And all I had to do was pack my things and move back to Texas….taking my child with me!!!!!

But I was just a girl…alone, friendless except for maybe one, and out of touch with reality.  I didn’t know it was Satan trying to take my child through these women.  So I became what they call a “birth mother”.  In other words I was having a child for someone else….which is totally aburd!!!!!  Ridiculous!!!!  Who would ask such a thing from someone?  And birth mother is another word for X-mother, what they are saying is once you give them your child, you are no longer a mother.  Well, not to them…but to God I will always be her mother.

It is another form of slavery….to have a baby for someone else!!!!!   And I had no one to talk to….so I didn’t know what I was doing.  I had a baby for someone living in adultery (while I was condemned for my sin) who didn’t even want to look into fertility specialist possibilities (and they had the money for it).  If it were me I would do that first …not go ask the first vulnerable girl I could find to have a baby for me.  On top of all that I bearly knew the person.  It was like, “Hi so happy your at our church could you please give us your child because that is why God sent you here to begin with…because he knows C. and I want a baby.”  She’s sees my reaction (which is “What?!”) and then says, “Oh, well I’m not glad you got pregnant.”  I’m thinking , “Oh yea sure right what ever.”  Yea you are!!!!  Because you don’t want to go through the pain and suffering of having your own (surgery).  And then she informed me that her “Daddy” was paying for the whole adoption!!!!  She didn’t even have to pay anything to get my baby!!!!  Oh!  Why didn’t I just pack my things and just leave!!!!

So I guess another form of slavery is having a baby for some one else.  I think there were lots of African American women who had to do this from what I’ve read and seen on television.

End of Part B

 

 

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