And everyone left, but you God.

I walk into the coffee shop and no one says hello. No one is happy to see me.
One of the men who I developed feelings for left about six months ago. I guess the leadership just wants to give me every reason to leave. Or maybe he did? OK I will, but not without some kind of a lawsuit to the big wigs. I’ve seen them do my friend like this too….because she had a little more going on in her head than the other women. They have destroyed every relationship I had there. Did their best to make me feel unwelcome, feel “old” as one of the managers called me. Shunning is serious business there better be proof theres legitimate causes for it. Isn’t it enough that I lost my children, my home, my car, been drugged for I don’t know how long? And your hideous women! Gripe every time I enter the room for ladies meeting. Yell at you if you bring up something controversial. Gripe when you sit next to them at dinner. Gripe when you show up for prayer meeting. And at fellowship they all head for the bedroom and leave me out, don’t even say anything. This is every reason why I left the church 20 years ago and every reason I’ll never go to another one again! Tell me I can’t talk to the men, tell me I don’t belong, tell me I cant be used in their church, tell me God wants to use me for nothing.

Sorry if I was offended at the Mexicans last night, but they just come in there to gawk at me then go talk to someone else. Can’t even say hi Miss Rhonda. Cant even respond when I say anything. Forget it. No more apologies no more nada. I’m sick of trying to make things right to a hard hearted unforgiving man. Sorry for what I said before. I’ve been caused enough pain. And Ya’ll have caused me enough pain. It just isn’t working. It never will unless you get away from that pathetic controlling hateful place. Not a church! For me like a graveyard in wintertime. The young women walk by and sneer at me. It’s like its some kind of competition. You’ll be old someday too. The few friends I had have left. I guess I should go away too and never talk to anyone there again unless they leave. Yes! leave! It may be good for you but there hateful to me. Any man that cares anything about me wouldn’t stay in a place like that and have them tell him he has to hate me to be part of their pathetic cult. Lawsuit material. Pathetic ! Absurd! Hideous!

Besides the so called church out there my children left, my husband who I shared my faith with left, gave his soul to Satan for his mother, I don’t know if I want to live to see my grandchildren. At this point in my life I’m bearly surviving, not even a shred of desire to live anymore. I Will press charges. Going to look up paperwork just as soon as I fill out a few articles. Charges will be pressed against the woman also who publicly humiliated me in the coffee shop, calling me a witch and a jezabell and acusing me of sorcery telling me I’m perverted in public. Plus a restraining order against her if she ever speaks to me again. Public humiliation. And this is the way most of the women act. Hateful. Fake like they want to pray with me. Miserable comforters ya’ll are! I literaly want to die.

God you know I have nothing. Not even one human. My own mother hates me. My father hated me my sister my best friend turned against me. Thank you that you did not leave me too.


What is Character and how is it developed?

When I first went to Hyles-Anderson college I was only eighteen, and I can honestly say that I didn not have true character, though I had been part of one of the most well known and respected Christian colleges in the country. I can say this because I was not in the word, I was just believing the doctrine everyone told me (the Baptist doctrine), and I did not know God.

What we have to realize is…

1. There is safety behind the walls. The walls keep you from falling. There is security there. There is protection there….like a baby growing in the womb, don’t need to come out until its time. I consider you in the oven…all of you. Your character is being developed. And sure, when your with a group of people who are all doing the same thing it’s easy to “look” like your walking the walk because your all doing it together. Hey, I looked good while I was in
Hyles-Anderson college. I was with one of the most well known “soul winning” colleges in the country, started by the most well respected and honored preachers in the Baptist community….”Dr. Jack Hyles.” It was easy to stay in line there. But when people are making you obey and have character is it real
obediance or real character?

2. When you take away the walls what happens?

I can tell you what happened to me. I wasn’t reading the word to begin with nor was I talking to God….I did not develope that habbit because I was fearful of the Word and God so….really I was the same person when I got out. There was a lot of pride in that place and I thought i was invincible, but I was soon hanging out with the wrong kind of people, drinking which led to sexual sin and
I became pregnant soon twice. My character developed only after I had been out of the bondage of that college and got into the Word, even if it hurt. It was hard to face my fear of the Word, but I had to. And once I realized the Truth I applied it to my life. Anyone can be made to do things but its not *my* character until I’ve earned it, until I’ve come from behind the structure and tested it out.

Now I talk to people about God because I want to, not because I’m forced to. Now I don’t get drunk because that’s what I’ve decided to do. Now I don’t have sex because I want to please God and I know it wouldn’t please Him if I gave myself over to adultery.

So there you have it. No matter what they say about me….it’s only out of jealousy and pride. I don’t, by the way, think I’m a person beyond reproach because even David said, “Lord, you know my weaknesses and my sins are not hid from you, my iniquities are revealed before your eyes.”

So those who say “She’s corrupt, stay away from her….they are corrupt themselves.”

Also, I don’t live in depression because that’s what I’ve decided to do. I don’t need a man….I just need *the man*. And if a man wants me….he will make himself part of my life. I may have my down days, but I was just reading out of Job today, this morning and read that his skin was actually peeling from his body. At least I have my health! I thank God I don’t have it as bad as Job.

OK I was in the mullitgrubs yesterday….and yesterday someone walked away from me….but today is a new day. It’s like that movie: “Gone with the wind.” He said, “Frankly Scarlet, I really don’t….care.”….but Scarlett said, “Well, tomorrow is another day.” My roomate was probably just jealous. Best not introduce her….she might want him for herself.


Proverbs for today: 24:3&4

I have been reading and rereading this chapter for a couple of weeks.  What stands out today is proverbs 3 and 4 of chapter 24.  Through wisdom is an house builded and by understanding it is established:  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

I ran into a man a couple of weeks ago at one of those antique stores that had all the different booths and he was telling me how he had 7 booths there and plus a warehouse full of more antique stuff he couldn’t put on the floor.  I said my goodness where did you get all the money for that.  He said he was a banker.  Then he asked me what I did and I told him I make quilts and rugs, but that I also collected a pension and how some people told me I would never get it but I tried anyway and got it thanks to God.  Then he wanted to argue and said he got everything himself, God never helped him with anything.  I said well then you better thank him for your good health because of that you were able to be a banker and do what you do now.  Everything comes from God.  I can’t believe that someone will actually stand there and say they did it all themselves when God created the air we breathe.

Then when I think of the home being built.  You can tell what kind of marriage your going to have if you pay close attention to how they act beforehand.  The first guy I was engaged to brought a box full of photos of girls he had dumped and indicated that he falls out of love a lot.  That should have been an indication to run plus telling me to shut up when I barely said anything to begin with.  Such a rude person I should have walked away from before I got attached.  He ended up getting a photo of me and I went into the box too. I guess I fell in love with his looks.  But good looks do not make a good marriage.  I think when it comes to marriage to take as much time as needed to be sure you know the person well and make sure they are the person God meant for you to have.  Run from some n e who wants to rush you into a marriage before you have a chance to know them.  Plus I think it would be good to do a complete study on marriage before entering into the covenant.  The law has changed in the new Covent and people need to study and make sure it is right for them to marry.

Proverbs for today… Proverbs 24:1+2

“Be not thou envious against evil men, neither desire to be with them. For their heart studieth destruction and their lips talk of mischief. ”

This reminds me when we lived in the ghetto and my husband had me shut up in a travel trailer with the children for four years. And there was this man who kept coming by when Robert was at work yelling at me. He was real big and real loud and angry especially if any one talked to his children and all he talked about was the f word. As I was walking by his house one day he invited me to a barbeque and it was the worse thing I could have done. He was up to no good only wanted to trick me. This man for sure had devils in him and that is one of the reasons I avoid handshakes nowadays. He was an evil man, so evil that it was best not to touch him. I had to pray the evil spirits out of me and at least one of my children when we got home. Lesson learned hope to never have to be repeated.

Proverbs for today

That’s a good title I think for proverbs is “proverbs for today” because some people think that they may be archaic.  Proverbs for today because they are for us even today in our busy busy world full of technology and all things “advanced” but they aren’t really advanced because Solomon said there is nothing new under the sun. Everything you see or have heard of in our modern world has been done or has existed before in ancient times.

Finishing up Proverbs 23 we have “For a whore is a deep ditch;  and a strange woman is a narrow pit.   She also lieth in wait as for a prey,  and increases the transgressors amount men.

Men think that only women should be chaste but that is not so.   If men expect to have a virtuous wife then they need to be that way themselves.   Also,  they nowadays change women like they change their underwear and then after they’ve corrupted themselves with whores want to find a virgin to marry.   I think a virgin deserves a virgin, and a woman who has somehow kept herself for a special man deserves someone who has done the same.



Proberbs for the day: 23: 17 and 18

“Let not thine heart envy sinners:  but be though in the fear of the Lord all the day long.  For surely there is an end ;  and thine expectation shall not be cut off.”

With my ministry down town Ft Worth I run into a lot of men, nice looking men who aren’t living for God.  Its difficult to stay away from them but I have to.  I can’t go for walks with them.  They change women like they change underwear ….all of them do and they have no expectation for their life and they’ll pull me down too if I’m not careful.  So I’m thankful for my car or a car so I can fly…….Away and escape the realities of this world.

I saw one at beautiful feet yesterday but I’m ignoring him right now.  So young and ruining his life with sex.  Its best I stay away.  I don’t want to be drug down to their level.  They behave like animals.  They have no respect for themselves or anyone else.

But should I warn them or let t by them figure it all out themselves?  They heard the message yesterday at beautiful feet.  You’ll reap what you sew one way or another.

“For if a man sows to the flesh he shall of the flesh reap corruption, but if a man sows to the spirit he shall of the spirit reap life ever lasting.”

So have respect for myself and others because *my* expectation shall not be cut off.












Proverb of the day:

“My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine.  Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when they lips speak right things.  “Proverbs 23: 15 and 16.

Wisdom is something I ask the for every day.

I try and take 5 proverbs a day and meditate on them and ask for wisdom.  I try and do it every day.  Here it seems I’m getting a gentle rebuke from the Lord to clean up my language.  Well, Lord they do need to know about what its like to care for the elderly.  Ok ok ill clean up my language.

I don’t know about in your family but in ours we have a grouse sense of humor.

Well someone said before, “Just let Rhonda be Rhonda.”  But no, David said , ” put a guard upon my mouth that I transgress not with my tongue.”

Let me  someday be like what I was for 30 years Lord….ever watching ever watching with big green eyes and not saying a word unless absolutely necessary.